Y my blog look so sad?!?!

Hey! It's not cos i'm a sad person or anything similar! I just use my blog as a place to express my thoughts when i'm depressed, complaint about everything i'm unhappy or unsatisfied with... I'm not a person of sadness... Lol... I hope i'm not!

I just get disappointed easily when ppl that i care for aren't sensitive/alert for what they do.. They just won't notice that every single details they do, i'll take notice of all of them.... How sad... maybe they just couldn't feel that i love them, and i care for them... Anyway... I'm a kind of person that once i'm in, i'll give my all! If i'm out... U can't make me give anything... Maybe not nothing at all but wat i meant, i'm sure every1 understands what i meant if u r not stupid! Haha...

At tis point of life, i m always feeling miserable cos ppl just disappoint me so much, i got so frustrated... A fren of mine wrote in her blog that hope is directly proportional to disappointment, vise versa. I agree totally... Another wrote that she had missed the chance... Well All i wanna say is... Not everything that God gave us in life we could miss and get it back again... If we miss the 1st time, we ask for God's forgiveness, God give us for 2nd time, we don't treasure it, we'll just end up missing everything, losing everything! So treasure your blessings!

Sometimes, i'm so sick of life which is turning up-side-down every alternate few days... Like 3days of joy and laughter, 1day of sadness... I sometimes wonder if i could have just joy and laughter and omit the sad day... 3 ; 1 means 2 days of sadness in a week... How much i could take in? I'm just afraid that i couldn't stand strong! I'm afraid my fragile heart being broken that often couldn't take it! But all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me!

Today is a brand new day... Although it already started with a huge disappointment... Well, I believe God will straighten things out for me today! Let my day make a difference... I won't bother to do anything more! Things have been done, being treated like a TRASH! Therefore, it should be stopped unless someone starts to treasure it like a TREASURE! When blessings come outpouring... Ppl will often neglect it, take it as part and parcel of life. When it is lacking... Ppl will pray for it, asking God for it! Learn to treasure God's blessings in all forms... Then you'll know that our blessings are abundant! overflowing... Then you won't ask for more!

TREASURE are meant to be TREASURED! If they are not! They'll be taken away!

Love,
Lynn

Let's learn more about life together... Living each day like a lesson... Things don't come easy! But it'll come if it is God's plan for it to come! Maybe at this period of time God is moulding me into a stronger soul... I don't know about His plans... All i do is i trust Him and walk by faith each day of my life! Stay blessed!

Jeremiah 33:3
'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans i have for you, " Declares the Lord,"Plans to prosper you and not to hard you, Plans to give you hope and a future.

最讨厌被骗！你偏偏就是骗我的人！

我一路以来认为说话算话非常重要！但是最近受骗了后再想，到底守信用其实是笨蛋所为还是‘君子’所为呢？我是不是太好人，心太善良说以大家都爱利用我，骗我呢？可能读我blog德人会认为我想太多。。。 但是，一次又是这样，两次又是一样。。。 我怎么可能不多想呢？可能是我多心了吧。。。

‘日防夜防，家贼难防’ 我的case不是贼，而是背叛我的人！明明知道我的plan但是就是爱搞破坏！大坏蛋！

为什么我这么幸运？咳。。。

累了。。。 为什么每次都是我？

累了，为什么每次都是我？每次我们不和，或不开心时都是我投降？为什么都是我在‘tam’你？不可以有一次让你来吗？

At this point, i'm seriously close to giving up. I don't know how long can i stand myself to this extend! I'm not robot! 我心情换得再快也是因为你！比天气换得更快， 连天气预测都跟不上我变得快！

我就来要崩溃了！我现在很想到一个没人认识我的地方喊个痛快！对不起！我真得不能忍受这样的对待！你真的就不能对我好一些吗？细心一点，周到一点。。。 我并没有要求很多！好像从来都没有什么要求。。。只有默默的付出！

这次我真的累了。。。 抱着太大的希望，怎知又让自己失望！我真是个大笨蛋！

Break but not break... Simply broken...

We are given a few days off from uni... No class till Wednesday. Wow... Sounds great huh? My head! We've to study for Anatomy and histology exams... I hope i won't screw either of them... It just looks impossible now cos i just lost the momentum to study... So let's go for some stories... Starting from Yesterday, Saturday April 18, 2009.

Woken up by friends Ron and Bel, Well we overslept so it's ok... Day started off with Problem... Woosh... How to solve it? 'Smart' people uses their head and not their brain to settle problems... Which turn me speechless... However, at the end of it, i have to clean up their mess! Nice 1 huh? Next time pls use ur brain to think 1st before taking any action! Although u r senior, that doesn't mean that u are smarter and better... It just meant that u r older in age! Respect are to be gained! Foolish!

Happy Belated Birthday to Jasper.... Well, Most of our day was spent preparing for jasper's surprise party... Nothing much... Thanks to Ming Yee who made an effort to come... Thank You... Really nice of you...

Had a lil discomfort during the party. Ate a lil and then went back to room. Discomfort in 2H's (Health&Heart). Was having stomach discomfort... followed by headache starting 6pm... All the way till 4am... Oh... Couldn't thank God enough for healing...

Thanks to my dear roommates. Thanks for you care and love... However as a doctor you should know very well that when u use a thermometer to take temp, u have to remove it to read the readings... Not just leave it with ur patient. U won't get the readings that way! :) Nice Job done... Thank you for the blanket, red bean soup, and cheese cake.

Had a horrible mixed up feelings... Not gettin any better but maybe Thank God for it didn't get worst today... Just the same like yesterday... What should i do?!?! For some other ppl, it's just a joke... For me... It's not. Unfortunately... This kinda things... I don't take them as joke. You just don't take a baseball bat, hit ppl on their head and say, 'Ooppss.. Sorry! It's a joke. A prank!' If u think that person will say 'it's ok...' Man... Either u r really a joker or u think that others have no feelings...

I don't know how long more can i hang on with such miserable feelings... Things are just going wild for me! I'm taking it all by myself... I hope no1 will start asking me if i'm ok again... Cos i'm not and all i'll tell u is ' I AM OK '. I won't tell u i'm not! So just stop asking!

I've lost everything! All my momentum to study! I'm a lost person now... I HATE TO STUDY NOW! I placed all my notes and books in front of me, all i did was i stared on all of them and didn't do anything... Nothing went into my brain when i read them.... How sad is that!

How long more can i hang on? God pls... Please help me regain my momentum... Please grant me everything i need to excel in my studies! Please help me in everything i do so that i could bare good fruit for ur kingdom! Thank you Father!

Love,
Lynn

The ME at this particular moment!

I'm super sensitive - hormone imbalance i think... Hahaha... No idea wat is wrong with me!
I'm super grumpy - Don't ask why!
I'm super impatient - Just stay away from me for safety purposes!
I'm super unhappy - Don't plan to tell!
I'm super tired - Lack of sleep la! What else? What are u thinking about?
I'm super emo - I got weird weird feelings... indescribable!
I'm super quiet - Don't feel like talking!
I'm super ignorant - Although i wanna care, but i just can't! God pls tell me why...!!!
I'm super depressed - Of course la! Out of all that happened, is happening... Out of all that i've been through, all that i'm goin through! U TELL ME!!! HOW HAPPY COULD I BE?!?! OF COURSE I'M DEPRESSED! SAMPAT!

I feel like cursing to my heart's content now! But Self-control is one of the fruits that i must have in me! One of the thing that i try not to lose!

I felt so lonely... Not because everyone stays away from me when i blog like tis... Not because i'm alone in Moscow. It's because i felt lonely... I start to miss my family so much that i feel like flying back home instantly now! I feel uneasy... being unwell, down with flu for almost 2weeks now is driving me out of place... plus the stomach ache i'm getting off and on... It's really driving me off-track! I'm seriously going nuts! Adding on all the people and matter around me that i'm so sensitive to! Man! I must be more like SUPER WOMAN to get through wit this!

It's very foolish to Fool with me now! So don't crap stupid things to me! U'll most probably get a good 1 from me... No KEGANASAN of course! It's purely GOOD 1!!!

Cold and lonely nite...

Wasn't feeling so well last nite... Went to sleep early as stated in my previous blog 9pm. Felt cold even before sleeping. But didn't bother to do anything about it. Stupid me. So cold all night long, barely slept well. Woken up by noises around me... I guess they were planning Kelviny's birthday, but was too tired to get out of bed to join along... For the whole nite... I was waken up like numerous times... uncountable...

Went to bed with hope, sole disappointment! How good if i'm sick and i'm home... Mummy would take care of me... Miss those days when i was still small, baby, When i was still the youngest at home... I got slight fever, mummy&daddy were so worried. They stayed up all night, just to make sure that my fever goes off. Put cold towel on my forehead even if i would pull them off. They would replaced it wit a new colder one! So at the end, i gave in and just go to sleep...

I miss those times when i was well taken care off. Mummy, daddy! I LOVE YOU!!! Although they won't read my blog, but i still wanna say I LOVE them!

Love,
Lynn

Saturday...

Woke up reluctantly at 6sth jump off bed, took a shower, and started revising Histo before class. Haiz... The Saturday routine. Hate it, but wat to do?It's a sacrifice that medical student ought to do.

After class, i was quite happy, 1. teacher was in good mood today. She even joked about what flows in the blood vessels and gave us 'urine' for answer! Hahaha... Of course it's BLOOD my dear!!!
2. I scored High Distinction again for histo MCQ. Nothing too special, but just contented and happy with my scores although it didn't mean much to any1 else. It's just another routine grade we score each week. To me, a HD is still a HD.

However, things changed quite fast... Haha... When i came back, we quickly helped out for Easter preparation. We are having party! It's suppose to be fun cos it sounded fun! I didn't enjoyed much though. i was around the corridor to see if they need any help. 5-7person already helping in the study room, i didn't do much. Just went in, help wit 1 table, ask, 'anything else that u guys need help?' Hmm... 'nope'

Went to kitchen, asked Sharon,'do u all need any help?'. 'Nothing else except washing!' Haha... My music practice starting soon, so obviously can't help with something that needs to be done in long time. So i told that i can't help and went back to my room. Well, at 1st i was really waiting for time to pass so i open my facebook profile and started accepting a few invitations. After that, i took the keyboard and send them over to the study room. They were mopping the floor there, so i left after handing the keyboard over to them. Met Andrew Kok on the way back to room. He asked if i could play a song entitled 'So You Would Come'. Well, i know the song, but don't have the lyrics, so i quickly went back to room and google for it. Haha... At this time, some of the committee came in, saw me in front of my lappie... I think they misunderstood me again. Lol... But they didn't say anything, so i didn't explain nor said anything. After a while, i was still looking for the lyrics, and CZ came in & asked me to set up my keyboard. I told him i'm coming, and i guess he thought that i'm still in FACEBOOK! hahaha... I GUESS!i didn't ask! After a few seconds, he went out. I found the song, printed it out, and quickly set up my keyboard.

The Worship was ok. Not too bad, cos halfway some1 accidentally touched or kicked the extension point and my keyboard blacked out! but when it comes to the end of it! Oh MY! What on earth is wrong??? Andrew Kok asked us to play the song above all once more, of course we did, but he didn't know where to continue after singing the 1st round. It was an awkward moment. Every1 was looking at me! HEY! It's not my fault la! Ask boss where he wanna go!

As boss requested, i continue to play the keyboard for him on the 'So you would come'... And suddenly when i wasn't paying attention, he said out loud, 'Lynn, stop playing please, i feel like dying... suffocated' Hah... Ok... WHAT? U ASKED FOR IT! U PICKED THE SONG! NOT MY FAULT LA! Then i just quickly stopped and sat down. What happened after that, i've no interest to tell. I could accept anything but a horrible worship session! After that, altar call, we were asked to play that song again... nightmare! I love that song... but Keyboard was a nightmare for me this particular day! at the end of our session, Andrew Kok again requested for us to play the last song we sang 'Above All' NOT AGAIN?!?! Aaron our guitarist went missing, Izzac plays bass but have to play guitar... URGH!!! ME?!?! Chords in Emajor! 4#s to look out for! Beware! Don't burnt ur fingers on the sharps! Haha... No la... The chords are still ok... But! ANDREW!!! KNOW WHERE U WANNA GO, HOW TO START SINGING THE SONG, WHEN U WANNA END IT! Everytime something goes wrong, every1 will be looking towards us! The MUSICIANS! SO AWKWARD! I KNOW! I can't do anything but continue playing then eventually i started singing with them! Lol... After that, Andrew Jack don't know how to start telling the ppl that coming up next is our treasure hunt!
Hahaha.. nice... If i was left in that situation, i won't know how to start either... RITE? Funny... Stuck!

Games... I was so tired, after only a few hrs of miserable sleep the night before, a horrible session, no energy!I just observed. Didn't had much nice observation too... Hmm... Ask our friend what happened... Not interested to tell... ALl i can say is, next time, LISTEN TO WAT I SAY! somehow, i'm most of the time right! SO, LISTEN!

Andrew Kok came over to compliment my piano skills and told me that i play very well, go find our worship leader GENG YAN to serve MF music ministry.... I wasn't happy at all after a horrible day... Sorry... I was suppose to be happy being complimented. Thanks for the compliment! Really, Thanks...

I wasn't feeling well, so went to bed around 9pm. Can't stay up any longer... Felt cold all night long... All the way till i woke up at 6am... Haiz.... Sunday... Let's just pray for a good day... I don't know wat will come up to me... Just pray for the best!

God bless.

Love,
Lynn

Just for Vivien!

Pictures given by teacher...

Pictures that i've drawn...

See the difference? Now u know what i meant by my drawings are very pretty??? Lol... I really didn't know i colour and draw so well... Being a medical student! We have to be painter too!!! Lol... Training... tis is 1 of the example of the human urogenital organs...

Love,

Lynn

Fantastic Thursday! Couldn't turned out better!

I had a wonderful day yesterday... Well partly cos it was funny day when i looked back...

I went to Anatomy class at 7.30am, Sat down and open General Chemistry books and started doing my variants(Gen chem exam after Anatomy class&lecture). Valentina our Anat teacher came in and as usual,'Where's ur cap? Why no cap?'. We just don't like to wear that white cap that destroys our hairstyle of the day... so... Haha... But she don't scold... So nice rite?

Well, almost all of the group 8 ppl were doing Chemistry Variants... and Valentina said,'keep all ur things, MCQ, MCQ test! Siichas! prepare paper!' We hurriedly kept all our stuffs and take out our paper. After our test, she walked towards the table and ask,'why are u all studying chemistry? Why didn't study anatomy? next week pointing and oral!' Then we told her that we are having gen chem exam after that. She was so so so kind... so understanding! Man... I love her! She didn't teach much, told us to sit down and study(Anat) but we all.. well study Gen chem la obviously!

She marked our MCQ test paper, i failed my Respiratory test with a 2, but scored 5 for Urogenital Organs. I think she marked wrongly... Anyway, she asked me to redo the test so i did. When she marked my 2nd attempt, at 1st all wrong... IMPOSSIBLE! then i looked... Well of course all wrong la! She's marking my Respiratory test with Urogenital's answers... I quickly told her she was referring to the wrong answer sheets. Then she said,'ah.. sorry'. Nice rite? Hehehe... But not quite nice when u'll have to redo ur test cos i think she referred to the wrong sheet of answer for my 1st attempt as well. So at the end of the day, i scored 5 for both topic's MCQ.

Later during the class, Valentina showed us on pointing Urogenital organs... Well, most of the guys were a lil mischievous, which later we joined along too cos she went from Male organs to Female organs... When she starts pulling the muscles, membranes...etc. We will say, 'ouch, ouch! Pain eh!' Kesian the cadaver! Funny... But we were all worn out tools... So tired cos barely slept the night before... Not paying much attention in class. After pointing, Valentina asked us to study and she closed one eye knowing that we are all not studying Anat but Chemistry... So nice...

Went to Chemistry class after anat lecture at 2.10pm. So nervous... So tired of Gen chem already... I was close to giving up cos i really don't like it... I hate it! Especially when i did all those questions and when my fren say my equation is wrong,but i can't understand wat was going wrong... Frustrated when i don't know what is wrong... How to take the exam? Studied but nothing went in my head! Argh!!! So Stupid! ARGH!!! I took my exam and after oral, my dear Gen Chem teacher Olga gave me 5-. Why -? Cos i can't remember 1 alphabet 'n'. Forgotten it in the equation. So she gave me a -! I deserved it!

3 High Distinction in a day was pretty amazing.... Very tired.. But amazing! Look How God can work in us! So so so amazed by His miracles...

Around 5.30pm, i grab a RM2.50 Hot dog with vege(Lunch+dinner=lunchner) and quickly rush for Music practice... Was dragging my feet there cos i was superbly tired... However, God is great! I enjoyed the session a lot! The 1st time i felt as if we were jamming, not practicing! So nice... We were just having fun! Worshiping God!

Reached Hostel around 10.30pm then went for Mission trip meeting. Was told that i got chosen for China Team and will be the assistant leader to a senior Issac Siow 4th year from RSMU. Well, still not certain if i'm joining yet cos my parents haven't confirmed with me. God has great plans! Plans that we can't see... So i'll just leave everything to Him and do my best. That's all i can do...

It's a rewarding day, with all the stress and hard work... Everything paid off so well! God is great and almighty! We can do all things through Christ that strengthens us! Believe and we shall receive!

Went to sleep around 12.30am all the way till the next morning 8.45am. Gosh... Late for Russian Class! Went in the class and got a stare from Tatiana... Well, She got tired of scolding us cos every class, there'll be people who comes late... We just don't like her class cos it's so tension to attend her class. She's new.. Young teacher... So what to do right? Just bare wit her la... Hopefully i'll still score well for my russian... don't have time to study russian at all! Not even doing all her homeworks! And she said, we'll have russian exam next week.. Sobsob... Which means, we'll have Latin-Greek Clinical Terminology 2nd exam, Anatomy Urogenital organs exam, and Russian Language exam next week... Pray... God please help me...

Love,
Lynn

Miserable sleeping hours...

一路以来在家被宠坏的我们，每天都会睡上大概7-8个钟吧！来到莫斯哥，天啊！活该！ 谁叫我们选上了医科呢？可怜。。。 一天睡大约3-6个小时。要是那一天无意中睡多了，睡上6-8小时就会呱呱叫！Complain, complain, complain 的！奇怪！睡就睡呀！那为什么没算少睡的哪些钟头呢？我们是读坏了脑袋吗？3 8！ 有事没事就熬夜熬到半死！补也没好好补一下！而且经常都会吃罐头啊，快餐之类的食物！天啊！我们到底懂不懂，我们将来会是医生呢？自己不会照顾自己，以后要怎么让我们的病人相信我们，依赖我们照顾他们呢？莫斯哥念医学的未来医生们！你们自己想一想吧！

吃得好，睡得包!这样才会健康快乐呀！尽量别病倒了哦！父母亲，朋友们会担心哦！

望你们从中得益！

Love,
Lynn