Disappoint me again... Owh... Not again?!?!?!

When i treat people well, somehow i will expect people to treat me the same or even better but just nvr ready for the worst. So whenever ppl treat me badly, i'll feel bad about it... Maybe i've got high expectations for my close friends... or maybe i'm phobia... I've been back stabbed by my closest friends a couple of times. However, each time that happens, i grew even stronger! I'll feel sad for a short period of time and later recover from it, and grow even stronger than before, but common sense should tell you that each time that happens, i'll lose part of myself... What do i mean?

I'll have less trust in others, i won't trust others easily compared to before. I still need to improve in that obviously. I'll have doubt on other's sincerity. Even they treat me with all their heart. It takes a longer time for me to place complete trust in them... Maybe hours, maybe weeks, maybe years... I've no idea. Trust are to be gained, not given!

This friend of mine has hurt me through disappointments... Countless times... I'm just feeling so miserable cos i care so much for this friend of mine. I won't mention who he/she is.Won't even tell the gender. It shall remain in me till forever....

Things have changed a lot in me. I choose to be a happy go lucky person when exams are not involved. Haha... I try each day to be as happy as possible although i do sound a lil sad in my blog. Maybe it's just human to remember their blog when they are sad... Haha.. A place to complaint! So this is wat i do... I don't tell ppl about what i felt sad about. I just write them in my blog. those that cares can know more bout me here. Although most of the time i'm just complaining.

However, i'm grateful to God. That i'm Me today. Independent, at least i can live even i'm left alone. And growing more independent each day of my life. Growing stronger in His presence.

I've got 5 and a half more years to go studying in Moscow, Russia. Hectic schedule and committing myself into 1 of the most demanding course ever found in the world! MEDICINE! i know it's not easy, more obstacles coming my way. I'll have faith in the Lord for all solutions, and hopefully 1 day graduate to be a good and trustable doctor. I choose to start now. Start to achieve/do things that i said/promised. I'll at least try! Spare me some time.

I hope i'll get less disappointments in the future... I HOPE>>> I PRAY>>> I RECEIVE>>>

Love,
Lynn