Lost of sense of belonging...

Story refers to a person represented with : Z.

I had this feeling since the day i came back from St. Petersburg! It was really a sudden shock to me. Our relationship went downhill and i kept quiet hoping that everything was just an illusion and that i've think too much. No such thing happening. I was wrong, very wrong. The horrible feeling grew more and more intense since then. It seems like there's nothing i can do about it. Later that i know, it's not just me, everyone felt that there something between the 2 of us, but no1 can tell wat was it about.

I kept everything to myself till i was so depressed, and i talked to her personally face to face. I was perhaps 'wasting' my 1hr talkin to Z for nothing! Z denied everything that was happening at that time. I asked Z not to deny, Z didn't continue the denial. I though after that talk, things are gonna turn for the better, who knows, 1 day, 2 days...etc a week later, things went back to how it was again. I was trying so hard to savage the relationship but nothing seems to work. Maybe it's just me AGAIN! Me trying too much while i shouldn't.... I don't know really...

It's been sometime ady... observations, talk...etc. I started to wonder if it's worth saving at all? This problem had been bothering my mind since day 1 it started to happen. Obstructing my daily life, my studies, my emotion...etc. When i 1st went to Z and talk to Z, i thought our problems were all misunderstanding & wanted to clear things out. We've talked, everything seemed just fine but somehow, the problem still exist till today.

I'm tired... Tired of hectic schedule being a medical student! Not easy at all. Triple effort for excellent marks and double for a passing score. And i'm so at the border! I don't know what's wrong with me, but everything seemed to not work well.. I'm trying my best to get back to studies like how it was last year. I'm trying to live a balance life. I'm trying to pull my way back to equilibrium. Thank you Father God for being with me all the time. Sending your guardian angles to help me! Blessed be THY name!

Maybe this is 1 of the test God threw on me in order for me to grow up and stay strong. I did what i should, i suppose. I hang on to HIM! Now, I wouldn't care to savage the relationship anymore. Knowing that it's just a waste of effort, i leave everything to God and let Him do the rest. I've tried my best! Really... I duno what else can i do... I did nothing bad or wrong to Z. I was being so kind to her since we've met. Maybe sometimes i spoke something bad to her but i've apologized. There's really nothing else that i can do if Z continues to deny and reject. I'm just getting tired and i'm giving up! No more blind trials! No more Blind effort!

If it's gonna stay like this for the rest of our days staying nearby each other, well, let it be then.... Maybe the relationship is not worth savaging then. hah..

At one time i was so depressed till i felt like shifting out to stay alone. Thank God sent an Angel Angeline to talk to me. Thank you my dear! You've been so nice to me although we just met. Plus God sent me good, kind&caring unit mate to stay beside me all the time. I hope our relationship will last FOREVER! Friendship forever!!!

My deepest gratitude to all of those that have made a difference in my life! Especially my family and those who are always by my side. Thank you very much! I really appreciate your existence although i never express myself orally. Love you all very very much. All of you are my biggest blessing from God. Although some of you weren't mentioned in my blog, but undeniable that you all play an important role in my life!

Thanks to my mum and sis that always stand by me and encourage me from time to time in order for me to be at this position here as a medical student. My success is yours too... ! day when i gain success! Hahahaha.... Thank you very much. I'll hang on, don't worry! I'll stand strong in God's presence and hang on to Him!

Love you all very much!

Love&regards,
Lynn