Irony + Agony

We had Gen chem MCQ final today... Lack of sleep and the tiredness... We try to overcome all those, i personally had white coffee which cos some stomach discomfort to me... Just to try to stay awake, try to study however much i could and take the exam... Teacher had high expectations on me... I just love her too much to disappoint her... She's a great and wonderful teacher! I just tried my best and let God do the rest.

To my total surprise, my frens told me that i scored 9/10. Made me 1 of the top scorer... However... My feelings was jumbled up! In such irony and agony...

Friends around me didn't do so well. Not that i'm better than they are, not that i'm smarter than they are, not that i know more than they do... It's just purely Blessings from God!

I was happy yet sad... Suppressed feelings... I'm happy for my results, but i'm feelin the tension of the atmosphere... The sadness of the people around me... I want to be the 1 who comforts them... But i can't... I'm so so so afraid that i'll hurt them unintentionally... The way they talk to me, the way everything went, obviously... They were in horrible mood... I'm afraid to approach them... i don't want them to think about wat i got... I just don't like tis situation... I don't know how they think... I duno what is in their mind... I just can't do it... I couldn't bare the chance to make more friends hate me... I love all my friends... I don't think that i've done better than them... I might not deserve what i scored... I'm not proud of it at all... Don't look at me that way...

If you are envious of my result, shame on you for calling yourselves my friends... Deep down in me, i know that some are not... They are just too sad to feel happy for me... I understand.. Don't worry...

Things have been harsh for all of us... Including me... In such situation, i'm just so so lost...

I which i could be the one comforting everyone... I just dun dare to try anymore... 1 try in the afternoon had proven that ppl obviously don't wanna open up to me... They just don't wanna spoil my day... If i'm afraid that u'll spoil my day, i won't be asking at all... and even if i don't ask, doesn't meant that i don't care... Sometimes, situation are just awkward... Please understand... I don't know what to say... I'm sorry my friends for not being there for you when u need me...

Maybe someone else is more suitable to comfort you(plural), i hope things get better for every1... I hope you'll feel much better... I pray that things will go back on track for all of you...

Once again, my deepest regret and my deepest apologies for all of my friends in Moscow. Sorry for being such a lousy friend.

Love,
Lynn